at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
