Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
