We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
