Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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