I need help removing her.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
4 words: hood of his car
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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