Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
