awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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