how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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