i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
