too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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