I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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