too bad you live with your parents still
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
