Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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