bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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