I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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