I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
