the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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