we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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