ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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