But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
