why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
