I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
