After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
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side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
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Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.