you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.