shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
