Umm I'm too high to move.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
