I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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