hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
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80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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