Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
