she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
