he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
