Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
