at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
