you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
