I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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