What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
