TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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