Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
