I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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