It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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