I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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