his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.