Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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