why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
