I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You should frame my arrest warrant.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
