Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am full of burrito and curiosity
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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