Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
