Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize