So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
