Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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