he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize