kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You were trust falling into bushes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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