I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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