Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We are two peas in an std pod
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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