my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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