I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
