i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
