You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
