Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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