We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
