So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My bed smells like the plague
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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