i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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