yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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