Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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