dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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